McSweeney's makes me laugh.

I have a penchant for toilet humour - Sad but true - a well timed fart gag will have me rolling in the aisles, tears streaming down my cheeks and emitting a weird high pitch giggle that I have no recollection of picking up. Now - marry that concept with practical joke tricks and I'm a mess. Thank you McSweeney's...

No. 86:
Novelty Items—
Some Novelty Items
That Never Caught On.

From Comedy by the Numbers
by Eric Hoffman and Gary Rudoren

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Itchy milk

Exploding eye patch

Shit gum

Gassy nun's habit

"You're Dead, Cocksucker" inscribed pencils

Tiddly-cancer

Syphilis ink pen

Dirt-in-a-bottle

"Stinky" drink coasters

Placebo suntan lotion

"Squirting" glass eye

Hobo negligee

Leaky-mercury anal thermometer

Farting brick

Measles underwear

Asbestos wig

Bendy turd

Mosquito-on-a-stick

Weewee toothpicks

Bouncing ice cubes

Indestructible ice cream

Pills that make you vomit boxing gloves

Prancing foot-odor mustache

Lice beer

Faux insulin

Jumbo eyelash

"My Other Car Has Cancer" bumper sticker

Poo-poo eye drops

Sexy edible shoe insoles

Shrinky toilet paper

Invisible-ink "Missing Child" poster

President Anne Frank dollar bill

Halitosis adult board game

Vomit bikini

"Keep On Truckin'" inscribed on the head of a pin

Glow-in-the-dark elephantiasis glitter

"World's Greatest Grampa" coffin comforter

Pet fingernail